ive been thinking... ....
about alot of crap really .... my boyfriend for almost 2 years broke up with me for (whom i assumed to be) my best friend (well.... not anymore) and this month has just been crap

so i told him i DO NOT want to be his friend but i will talk to him if he talks to me first

i intended it as a "hi" every once in a while like aquantinces do ....
no instead it was almost every day (thank the lord for thanks giving break ...thats what im thanking this year!) to tell the truth it still really hurts.... it annoys me how he acts as though he did nothing wrong and that we can just be good old pals..... F THAT ..... i love him I REALLY DO but i cant react that fast ..... not when he pulls something like that .... and my friend .... i thought she was someone i could trust, i thought that if i loved someone she would support me, yah know, like if he said he liked her she would say SHE CANT! and then tell me what happened ....or that maybe he would tell me himself instead of saying ..."i think we should just be friends and see other people" .... nonononono..... he should have told me he was unsure of his feelings that he was starting to love her too NOT GO BEHIND MY BACK AND ASK TO KISS HER, he KNEW i loved him he KNEW i would do ANYTHING for him all he had to do was tell me he unsure or something... i would of understood like when he told me about sarah i was right by his side the entire time ..... i gave him time to sort out his feelings, sure i cried alot, but we passed that and we were still together.

now it is truly over

it still hurts everytime i see him. knowing i cant hold him, kiss him, tell him how i feel, hold his hand, be there when he needs me..... have him there to comfort me.......

im trying....to forget about both of them ..... she was one of my best friends ...i loved her like a sister, and out of that old respect that i used to have for her is why i havent said her name, cause she knows who she is and she knows that what she did to me i would NEVER THINK about EVER doing to her.

well i hope your happy now

you lost a friend

i think i might have gone a little koo koo in the proses (like you care)

i can feel my heart clench when i see him

i want to cry when he ignores my pressence ...but thats cause i told him to leave me be

i wonder how a friend could be so heartless

how a boy could get over someone so fast

i wish i knew

but if she were truly my friend she would have told me she liked him.... i would of been reasonable i would try to understand

if he truely loved me this wouldnt have happened .... i guess he never really loved me .... but if he did and this happened i wish he told me instead of me haveing to find out from old ears (meaning gossip and he said she said)

so you win

i guess i really do need him to tell me its over ... to my face just so i can stop feeling so...... pitiful ..... and misplaced

oh well

just thought id put my thoughts out there

and if any one wants to
they can pm me for any stupid excuses they might have

but i dont wanna here 'why does everyone fuss when i break the rules but do nothing when its someone else'